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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23901838">a cut that never heals</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hellokaelyn/pseuds/Hellokaelyn'>Hellokaelyn</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCIS</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 17:41:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,028</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23901838</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hellokaelyn/pseuds/Hellokaelyn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>She felt like one big bruise that would never go away, with a deep cut right through her heart that couldn't heal no matter how many stitches were sewn within. </p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ellie Bishop/Nick Torres</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>73</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>a cut that never heals</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This fic hurt to write, but I had the same exact dream (just not as detailed obviously) and god did I need to let it out.</p>
<p>I hope you guys enjoy it.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>In the darkness of the room, a body lay in the middle of the bed, legs pulled close with arms wrapped around as if it was the only thing keeping them from falling completely apart. Tense </span>
  <em>
    <span>pained</span>
  </em>
  <span> air filled the room, only broken apart by the small gasps for air and sniffles followed by muffled sounds of crying.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Till the piercing cry of a baby broke through.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ellie let out a sob, curling more into herself at the sound. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly just wanting the baby to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>quiet</span>
  </em>
  <span> for a little longer. She held out as long as she could until the overwhelming guilt rose in her chest once more, forcing her to uncurl barely feeling the way her whole body ached with every movement and the room spun causing her to stumble, just barely catching herself on the rail of the crib. Wiping away her tears she took a breath to try and settle the spinning going on in her head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shhh..” Ellie said in a soft whisper despite her voice cracking from lack of use combined with the crying. She reached in, carefully scooping her out of the crib, cradling her gently. “It’s okay sweet girl, it’s okay.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Crying was the only response she got, and it made tears well up in Ellie’s eyes all over again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on Aurora-” She sniffled, a few tears falling dropping onto the tiny blanket carefully wrapped around the baby’s small body. “-Please stop crying for mommy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aurora only wailed louder. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ellie sat on the edge of the bed, more teardrops sliding rapidly down her cheeks to go along with her daughters. “I know, I know.” She raised her arms pressing a kiss to Aurora’s head. “I’m trying my best, I really am..and I know it’s not nearly enough, but it’s just you and I-” She broke off with a whimper as a sharp pain hit her saying the words out loud, her stomach twisting from either that or the fact she hadn’t eaten much in the last few days. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Getting up, she started pacing while rocking Aurora hoping it would help.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It did nothing but make the aching throughout her body worse. She felt like one big bruise that would never go away, with a deep cut right through her heart that couldn't heal no matter how many stitches were sewn within. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“God I’m such a failure.” Ellie mumbled to herself angrily. “Can’t even get myself together enough to take care of my </span>
  <em>
    <span>baby</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ellie moved on her heel to turn around in her pacing when she spotted it, the sleeve of a sweater tucked into the shut bottom drawer hanging out. A shaky breath left her, stopping her on the spot. She crouched down, making sure Aurora was safely tucked into the crook of her arm. Ellie sobbed loudly when she had a hold of it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nick’s sweater.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With a shaking hand, she brought it up to her face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She dropped back onto the bed as her knees weakened and an indescribable pain shot through her chest. It still smelled like him. So into the discovery and memories that assaulted her from his smell, she didn’t notice right away that Aurora’s crying stopped. When she did, her heart clenched at the realization of what made her crying end. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>One of the sleeves brushed against her wet cheek, and Aurora’s eyes that reminded her of him every time she looked at them, were looking up at Ellie in wonder</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh..” Ellie let out a sad sounding wet laugh, sniffling as she maneuvered the sweater to wrap around Aurora. It was </span>
  <em>
    <span>Nick</span>
  </em>
  <span> that made her crying stop. She had read during her pregnancy that babies recognize people from their scent, but she never bought into it much back then- but now the evidence was right in front of her. Aurora knew what Nick smelled like. Ellie smiled sadly, he wasn’t here but he was still the only one to get her to stop crying. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I miss him too..” She whispered, gently tracing her thumb along Aurora’s still flushed cheek. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this you know? We were supposed to raise you together, learn how to do one of the toughest jobs in life together-” Ellie rubbed at her nose with her sleeve and a sniffle as her voice broke. “-We were both going to have our happy ending, giving you siblings and driving each other crazy as the years went on but still loving each other to the fullest..”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aurora made a small cooing noise, her tiny feet kicking out making Ellie’s shattered and blackened heart warm for just a second, but reality always sets in. “Do you think we can do this without him?” But she knew the answer already. Aurora’s face scrunched up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was a simple answer..no, s</span>
  <em>
    <span>he couldn’t do this without him.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>Ellie woke up with a jump, sitting up quickly as tears formed not feeling the dried ones that already fell in her sleep.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ellie?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nick in bed beside her turned towards her, eyes blinking sleepily in her direction. “You okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Instead of responding she moved closer to him and laid back down, curling herself against him to where there was no room between them. She didn’t have to see Nick’s face to know he was confused, but he still wrapped his arms around her regardless. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is the baby okay?” He mumbled, pressing a kiss into her hair while his hand rubbed circles along her back in a comforting gesture.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Bad dream.” She whispered, pressing her face into his rarely loose t-shirt. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It was just a dream babe.” He said softly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Doesn’t make it any less terrifying.” Ellie closed her eyes and tried to focus on the feeling of him surrounding her. </span>
  <em>
    <span>This</span>
  </em>
  <span> was </span>
  <em>
    <span>real</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, but try and go back to sleep. I’m not going anywhere.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ellie took a breath in, took </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span> in. She prayed he didn’t.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Because it may have been a dream..but she still felt a dull ache in her chest from how real it felt, and it terrified her more than anything in her life ever has before. </span>
</p>
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